wonder if......

So here I am home again with sick kids. Each one of my kids has had a fever with a cough this week ,one has had some vomiting . I am not one to get freaked out about sickness at all even in the wake of the media hysteria of the H1 N1. It does scare me that whatever is going around seems to be very contagious and spreading quickly. I brought my girls to the doctor, they tested for strep and that is it. Sent me on my merry way with " Lots of fluids and rest". So we have been resting. Kind of stinks, it's Halloween week. I love Halloween week, making cut cookies of ghosts and pumpkins , but who wants to eat cookies from the the sick kids. My two youngest may even miss their Black and Orange days at school and even Halloween. Do I even answer the door and hand out candy? Now with 2 1/2 days taken off of work I am a little concerned. Come on now virus be gone!!!! If only it were that easy. Maybe we make the cookies and we only eat our virus germs and not shar...

It feels so good to wake up before everyone else and have the morning in peace. I need to get back on a schedule. I am acting like a teenager which is a nice feeling also. Staying up late and sleeping in ( 9 am that is compared to 5:30)haven't done that in about 13 years. It's kind of nice when your kids sleep to 9 am. Does that mean when they are teenagers that I will stay in bed to 12 to 1? That's when I wonder how much of an adult am I really. My mom was always up before me, I never remember her staying in bed. I on the other hand stay in bed and sometimes when my kids are already up. What kind of mother does that? I guess my kind of mother. My kids know no other way. And don't get me wrong it's not like I ignore them I am listening to their actions and when warranted I jump out of bed and deal but most often they will watch TV . And I don't mind that for when I am staying in bed it is due to the fact that we do not have to be anywhere which is u...

Can't sleep, have been up since 3. I really don't mind the quiet but I have many responsibilities today. AHHH to be able to live life on my true schedule, Just a dream and a faint memory of the days when that almost possible. I guess there have always been obligations except when we are newborns. Oh the quiet has ended the birds are awake, chirrrping joyously. I had a first experience, I was on facebook and not one of my friends were , or at least they didn't let others know they were on. I had so much to say about an hour ago, I guess my brain is short circuiting due to its exhaustion. That is the problem with not being able to sleep. I still have to tend to my life and can't just make up the sleep when my body really wants to do it so the brain starts to shut down. Ok I think I am going to do something mindless like shop on line. Sweet dreams everyone!

So I always wanted to be one of those people who kept a journal. So that one day my children would enjoy reading their mothers thoughts(do I really want my children to know my dark thoughts?They are a little more dark than I would like. Maybe when I am dead), but i can't seem to keep up with it. I always have the inclination to write and the thought flow but the whole paper to pen thing I can't keep up with. Writing is such a lost art. I love receiving letters from people, don't you? It makes my day when I go to the mailbox and their is a letter from someone. Something other than a bill or a piece of junk mail. SO I try to randomly write friends letters, hope they enjoy them. O.k. back to journaling. Gary and I started a combined journal when we moved in together, I think he has hidden it from the view of young eyes I hope he did not discard it. It was nice to be able to share with one another in the written form , it at times helped us organize our thoughts befor...

About a month ago I was driving through the Troy Country Club. Yes Troy has a Country Club, can U believe it? I d idn't know there was one until college when a girl I worked with mentioned it, I was taken back quite a bit. Troy and Country Club just don't seem to fit in the same sentence. Ok ,I am getting off track. So I am driving through the country club on a nice day when all the snow and ice is melting. The Poestenkill Creek runs through the country so a lot of the water was following a path that lead to the creek. I started to think about how we are like water. Following the path of less resistance. We may get sidetracked by crevices and puddle in one place for awhile hoping it doesn't get cold and freeze us in place for a longer time. We may become absorbed into something that needs the absorption. We loss our selves in things and become completely evaporated not even knowing where or who we are.Then we are so full of ourselves we condensate all ov...

Wonder why I have these feelings. Feelings as though I am not doing enough with my life. My life is full plenty, yet I am always questioning is it enough. Is because the full plenty is mundane? A little boring with too much structure? Is it that I do have some thing big to accomplish? I have accomplished big things one would say. Two degrees,Husband & three kids, a house, cars, numerous jobs with under privileged children and with privileged children, so what am i looking for? I seem to have lost my sense of humor along this life fulfillment that is probably what makes me the most sad. When you oldest child does not know what your laugh sounds like, it slaps you in the face and says look at you, what happened??!?!?!? Some would recall the laugh I had it was a distinguishing feature that most commented on and often for I was laughing all the time, did I use up all of laughter? As a Child I thought that I had a cap on my head to refill with laughs , tears etc... and I wou...

Wonder if I would feel much better if I could sleep at night. Why does sleep have to evade me? I am exhausted and burnt out right now!!!! You would think that by being so tired one would doze off into dreamland once the head hits the pillow, but no that is not the case. I may fall asleep but then awaken with thoughts of everything that is going on in my life at once. I try to push it all out of my head but it keeps circling around. I chant to myself in my head sleep, sleep , sleep, sleep, sleep as each thought tries to shove the sleep sleep out of the way. I do not want to try meds, I have tried relaxation, yoga, warm milk, warm bath, teas but when I can't sleep I just can't sleep. I would love to dream!!!!