wonder if......

About a month ago I was driving through the Troy Country Club. Yes Troy has a Country Club, can U believe it? I d idn't know there was one until college when a girl I worked with mentioned it, I was taken back quite a bit. Troy and Country Club just don't seem to fit in the same sentence. Ok ,I am getting off track. So I am driving through the country club on a nice day when all the snow and ice is melting. The Poestenkill Creek runs through the country so a lot of the water was following a path that lead to the creek. I started to think about how we are like water. Following the path of less resistance. We may get sidetracked by crevices and puddle in one place for awhile hoping it doesn't get cold and freeze us in place for a longer time. We may become absorbed into something that needs the absorption. We loss our selves in things and become completely evaporated not even knowing where or who we are.Then we are so full of ourselves we condensate all ov...

Wonder why I have these feelings. Feelings as though I am not doing enough with my life. My life is full plenty, yet I am always questioning is it enough. Is because the full plenty is mundane? A little boring with too much structure? Is it that I do have some thing big to accomplish? I have accomplished big things one would say. Two degrees,Husband & three kids, a house, cars, numerous jobs with under privileged children and with privileged children, so what am i looking for? I seem to have lost my sense of humor along this life fulfillment that is probably what makes me the most sad. When you oldest child does not know what your laugh sounds like, it slaps you in the face and says look at you, what happened??!?!?!? Some would recall the laugh I had it was a distinguishing feature that most commented on and often for I was laughing all the time, did I use up all of laughter? As a Child I thought that I had a cap on my head to refill with laughs , tears etc... and I wou...

Wonder if I would feel much better if I could sleep at night. Why does sleep have to evade me? I am exhausted and burnt out right now!!!! You would think that by being so tired one would doze off into dreamland once the head hits the pillow, but no that is not the case. I may fall asleep but then awaken with thoughts of everything that is going on in my life at once. I try to push it all out of my head but it keeps circling around. I chant to myself in my head sleep, sleep , sleep, sleep, sleep as each thought tries to shove the sleep sleep out of the way. I do not want to try meds, I have tried relaxation, yoga, warm milk, warm bath, teas but when I can't sleep I just can't sleep. I would love to dream!!!!